Deep relationship development through shared interests.
I am sitting on my porch, enjoying a 12-year-old Perdomo cigar while sipping a vintage port on this first truly warm day of the year, and reading a book at the same time.
The first two pages of the book have shifted my perspective, and I felt the urge to write about something every man should understand and incorporate into their life if they have children.
I had quite turbulent years for most of my adult life, working two to three jobs simultaneously. My wife and two kids had to be protected financially. It's like building an invisible wall around the family that protects them from any unpleasant events.
Some of the jobs were associated with my desire to be creative or curious about the latest technology. In contrast, others brought in cash without much excitement, such as delivering pizza during the busiest times.
As you may assume, I was a busy man with a lack of quality time for my kids.
I have missed the best moments in my son's life. I did not play soccer and chess with him, I did not attend sporting events at school, and I did not even watch movies together.
The same was with my daughter. The only thing I was able to teach them was how to be a decent person through my own example.
Now, looking back on those years, I regret missing those moments.
If I accepted a bare-bones income and concentrated more on my kids, I would not hear from them some bitter words when they have already been in their twenties. Perhaps we would not have had such a hard time with our daughter when she was in high school. And I would not be so distant with my son, mainly because I had actually been his stepfather since he was 2.5 years old.
Yes, I took a serious responsibility to help him grow up without mental disturbances and to surround him with love and care, and the time spent together. I did not happen...
My wife took care of both kids while I was working and traveling. Kudos to her.
I could write a book about our family life together over the past 40 years. I bet you would read that unwritten book non-stop.
We came together through the "fire and water" and had many tough times, but in the end, we swam to the " quiet waters".
I have realized that I have to do something to bring my kids closer and let them feel that they have a good father, the one they can be proud of.
In 2005, when I closed my business (computer training center) and left my only job active as a cyber security consultant, I realized that I had more time to spend with my family.
Each of my kids was left with a bitter taste in their mouth about those missed years, and my goal was to change their perception of them.
Over time, the kids got their own families and could understand better why taking care of financial well-being is essential. They became softer to me.
The shift in our relationship with my son has occurred recently due to several events.
It was my dream to get back to my old hobby when I retire -- oil painting. While I enjoyed it last time, almost 35 years ago, I was afraid that I had forgotten how to paint.
Lucky me, I found that I still have those almost forgotten skills and enough patience.
I love the challenge. Physical or mental. It is a necessity for every man. I undertook a significant task to paint a portrait of my granddaughter. Six months later, right before her second birthday, the picture was completed.
I have presented it at her birthday party.
I was hiding what I was doing and was looking forward to seeing the reaction. My son was in complete shock. I have to admit that I have enjoyed a moment!
During the same months, while I was painting, I convinced him to learn about investing money wisely and shared my experience with him. He was always frustrated with his investments because whenever he bought stocks, he lost money. I taught him to be patient and develop the rules for investing money. I taught him about the charts, the power of dividends and compounding interest, closed-end stocks, REITs, and BDCs (business development corporations), as well as some trading strategies.
Slowly, his results became better.
Then, a single event changed his perception of his father.
My son has a friend from Norway, the guy he met in D.C. Last year, and he has invited him to visit Norway. While spending time there, he shared a picture of my painting, as well as his progress in the investing world.
His friend Andrew was so impressed that he told him my son has a very accomplished father, with business skills, complicated technology skills, oil painting skills, investment skills, and handyman skills (he had seen the sauna that I built myself), among others.
The praises I've received from another person have made a significant shift in my son's mind.
As a result, we got much closer to each other. We talk or text each other daily. We discuss market and political news, investing in general, and real estate, and we spend time together as often as possible.
My kudos to Andrew!
I've experienced a 180% shift in my relationship with my daughter, and now I genuinely enjoy her sweetness and love. We share our admiration of her lovely cats. We have the lunches and dinners together. My time spent with her on money management skills was very productive.
My point? Spend quality time with your kids and share your life experience. You may be a very busy person with your job or business, but give them something that only a father can provide: your love, your invaluable experience, and your unique perspective on the world and life.
You won't regret, man!
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